Sometimes I really think the media and some white people don’t understand what what seeing our brothers and sisters in the street does to the black mind. Being black in America is traumatic.

There's someone I talked to for a while that I pushed away for being disrespectful, and I have to reassure myself constantly to keep it up - because sometimes memories start to dissipate, and I think of him with hope. I feel like I have to constantly remind myself that we all deserve the best, and I'm no exception. It just frustrates me, because I wish I didn't need to relearn it at all. Just KNOW.

I don’t know who I am anymore and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

Scraping my fractured words off of the ground is quite a chore / Instead of turning them into sentences and then stories and then books I have to take each one & one by one, untwist and untie them until they almost lay flat again / For one, I needed help / But I couldn't find anyone, so I used an array of clips and clamps to build a person & help me / Build my words into better words / Better than I should be able to make & then when I was about to be done my person built from clips I found in the basement (next to the empty Diet Pepsi bottles) / I stumbled, my foot getting wedged under an old milk crate & then I fell

I keep thinking about the suffocation of our scripted adolescence. So many teens being told the way that they dress, speak, present themselves, etc. is wrong. We all just want to be good enough for someone.

I feel so stuck. Maybe that's why I bleach my hair and dye it and cut it and try to change myself, just to feel like I'm moving... I want to take down the pictures on my walls. I want to wash off all the labels I have placed on myself, the ones we use to define ourselves. I want them to run down the drain with the bleeds of my hair dye and be become someone new. I want change.

In the midst of this revolutionary time in the world, me and a very close friend of mine have started stepping into a romantic relationship. We’re both girls, and we both realized separately that the way we saw each other had changed into more than platonic. The idea that our relationship is morphing into this new form is scary yet exciting for me. It makes me feel more free in love, and open to different sides of myself. We’ve been very private about it, so it feels good to write about it.

I wish u missed me back on every single dandelion. I blow the seeds off any that I find because of u.

My mind screams at me all the time / It also tells me I’m wonderful / My mind is never peaceful but it’s cozy

My mind is that dusty storage room in the back of the hall that's easily looked over. but inside is the closet to narnia, pandora's box. Nobody knows what to expect, not even the owner of the storage room. All we know for sure it that when we do notice the room, there's bound to be some weird shit waiting inside.

My mind is so messy. I can’t stop thinking about how I don’t feel comfortable talking to my therapist anymore, how that one boy who wanted to get in my pants is now my enemy, and the fact that my family doesn’t feel warm like it used to when I was younger. My mind is so loud and all i want is silence.

In Fantasia, there’s this whole scene where Donald Duck is straightening out his head with a broom and a bunch of file cabinets. He has to actually go inside his head, and there are a few shots of him surrounded by looming file cabinets. I watched this when I was really young and not only did the entire movie terrify me (and give me a lifelong grudge against Salvador Dali), it really sort of shaped how I see my head. There are file boxes everywhere, some empty, some overflowing with typed sheets of paper. There are cobwebs and dusty surfaces, and it’s a place where I have to go to, often, armed with a broom, to clean out and shape up.

I wish I could run away. I feel the energy getting sucked and drained out of my body and I want to stop it. I can't fit in with conventional society nor do I want to, but I don't know where that leaves me in the world.

It’s a constant tug of war between wanting to live for my friends and family and wanting to die for myself. When I am happy I cannot remember sadness and when I am sad I cannot remember happiness, there is no in between.

An art gallery of things that haven’t been made yet.

It is ridiculous. It’s not just words it’s big concepts and feelings swirling around each other then me trying to make sense of them. There are layers and it’s hard to focus on just one thought. My thoughts make it hard for me to form words because my thoughts are moving so fast and overlapping with each other. It’s very much like a bowl of everything but the kitchen sink soup. It’s vague metaphors not in words that only I understand.

I constantly feel like I have to prove that I’m sick enough. I can’t tell the difference between things that have actually happened and lies that I’ve convinced myself happened. I’m an addict. I thought I was getting better but my self harm is just turning into disordered eating.

I think I'm nonbinary.

The only time we can ever see each other is when the moon is centered in the sky, for occasional hookup in the back of his car. I know he probably does it with other girls, I’m not anything special to him. but the few hours we spend together are the few hours when my heart beats the fastest.

I’m still in love with him and I’m scared I’ll never find anyone who understands me like he does.

I’ve never been in love before. I don't think I'm aromantic, I always picture my future as including another person, and I understand the feelings in a way aromantic folks often describe finding confusing. It just hasn't ever happened to me. There are these little moments where I realize how beautiful the world is, how much of a gift it is that I get to see and live in it, and I suppose that's love too. I hope one day I can feel that for another person.

Nobody knows I'm bi. I guess I always knew deep down. People are just so beautiful.

My best friend just got into a relationship. I’ve been in love with him for forever.

I don’t really know what I like anymore or what truly makes me happy. Over the past few years I feel like I’ve been slowly losing myself and I don’t know how to find myself again.

I feel so overwhelmed with my life and everything that's going on but I have to force a positive attitude for those around me. My biggest wish right now is to just break things, pull things apart, scream. I feel so angry and yet sad. I miss who I used to be.

I’m bisexual and I haven't told anyone except a girl in middle school who I had a crush on and I don't want to tell anyone because I'm scared that they will see me different.

I wish I were born male. Life would be easier, I’d hate my body less, people would listen to me. I fucking hate it here. I need to get out of this house. I hate my face and my body and my hair. I hate everything about myself and no one cares.

Saudade! It’s Portuguese for the feeling of missing things, of absence and nostalgic longing for them! But it’s quite unique in the way it’s put and I wish it had a translation! Then again, it’s telling of how nostalgic we are as Portuguese!

It’s the feeling when you’re starting to fall in love with someone you’ve never spoken to in person. they’re thousands of miles away from you, and your time zones don’t align, making every conversation seem clandestine. Your chest bursts every time they message you, which makes you feel ridiculous, yet you still have dreams about taking a plane, flying halfway across the world, just to see them for real. Just to know that they’re real. For now, quietly falling for them is enough.

To hug with the soul <3

Waking up between 3 and 5 AM every night just to think. Think about nothing. About the woods, about the clouds, how badly you want to be a cloud. Clouds are free of everything except water. Free of emotion, it's only responsibility to be to hold as much water as it can. Not even a responsibility. It's just what they do. Nothing to have to think about in the first place. Nothing. Thought it's one of the most beautiful occurrences offered to the eyes. Not Worrying, not thinking, not loving, not crying, just being. And still being appreciated.

Pre-nostalgia. The feeling of knowing this is the last time you'll experience something. The feeling of knowing that every second that goes by means it's closer to slipping away forever. Almost grief, but not obsolete enough. It makes you want to cry.

The regret of not saying something to a person at that moment. of not calling out what they did that was harmful to me. of being cowardly, but only to protect myself.

Life isn’t a competition. I know you’ve been told you have to be the best at everything, but fuck them. Do what you love. Others’ failure is not your success. Don’t stop writing because they told you it wasn’t a real job. Play minecraft if that makes you happy. Realize that other girls aren’t your enemies, but your allies. Oh and for the love of god, wear what you want and not what you think you should want. I know you’re uncomfortable. Seek out your real friends instead of just isolating yourself. And most importantly, it gets better. You finally come out. You finally find that best friend. You go to concerts and dance. You still cry, but you’ve learned to dry your tears. You will be okay. Don’t give up. (btw watch out for 2020).

Do what makes you happy. The mundane and safe is not always the right choice.

I know you wanted everyone to love you but once you find yourself you’ll realize you don’t need them to love you. You’ll find the people who love you and they’ll continue to love you. All the bad things that are going to happen will happen and then be over. You’ll go through a shit ton of stuff but it’ll make you a stronger person in the end. The family didn’t break up cuz of you. You held it together. You were the tape and glue and you will save so many peoples lives.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. No matter how old you are, DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. Just because you don't know about a topic or you're not fully informed about something doesn't mean you have to be hard on yourself and tell yourself that you aren't "good at anything." YOU HAVE SKILLS. YOU HAVE RESOURCES. YOU HAVE A VOICE. USE IT. Pull a BTS and speak yourself. Yes, you will feel discouraged by the voices of others but this is YOUR life. These are the experiences YOU are taking with you. This is all you and you, baby. You got this. Be proud of everything you go through. Give it your all and take everything you learn with you. Share this knowledge and energy with others. Recognize that you are a human being who is just trying their best and that is more than enough. Love yourself bitch <3

I would tell her that it won’t get magically better when I grow older, and that it’s okay to not know how you identify and it’s okay to have conflicting feeling about identity.

Hey girl, I miss you and I love you. I think about you everyday and I hope ur proud of me. You were everything u wanted to be be I’m happy I got to live that. Enjoy your time <3

It’s ok to cry, you’re not weak, you’re not too sensitive. You can cry and still be strong.

Kiss that girl! Don't be a coward, she likes you back!

Hey you, don’t let people treat you like you’re stupid. You’re so much smarter than they think. You’re not stupid, no matter how many times you convince yourself you are. And you are so much more than people’s perception of you. Listen to the person you are, your true self, not who people tell you are. They don’t really know you. People like to act like they have you figured out, but at the end of the day they’re just projecting their insecurities onto you. Don’t take on their insecurities.

One day you'll grow up and forget what it was like to be where you are. Forget everyone and just live for yourself, no one is as important as you. Live! Scream! Run down the street! Do whatever you want! You're never going to be this young again.

It's gonna get worse before it gets better, but just keep going it's worth it.

This is not a flattering photo. Her nose twisted to the side puffy eyes just off center cupid cheeks come to a wobbly chin. Her features are pretty but not all together. But at the same time I think she might taste like mango juice and salt and she is no mystery the way her mind runs and her mouth runs faster and she lives and laughs and jumps and I think she is more than the photo. I want to take her hand and lead her away from her minds eye and show her the world outside and say this is the photograph of you I see.

She struts past and she is finally not too tall. she bites the corner of her nails but pretends she's biting the nail instead of the skin because everyone bites their nails but only freaks bite the skin next to them. Her eyes glaze and mouth falls open when she checks her phone. I think she might be beautiful but it could just be her posture struck me on a weak nerve. She pretends not to be an ugly crier. She pretends not to cry. She shakes her legs up and down up and down. She grabs at her thighs under the table. She's average in every way, but not average enough to be remarkably so. She jiggles too much when she runs. It's disgusting. She smiles too big; you can see so much of her mouth. When she stands still, mouth slightly parted, chest forward, legs back she might be beautiful. But it could just be her posture struck me on a weak nerve. Her hair frizzes out but is flat on top. She has ten different styles every week. When she wears eyeliner and covers up her face and shows the "pretty" side of her face she might be beautiful. But it could just be her posture struck me on a weak nerve.

She tries so hard to be nice and to smile and to be happy, but sometimes it fades. sometimes she gets grumpy and angry and acts irrationally, but all of that fades once she is around animals. She has brown hair and brown eyes, and her eyes are wonky but her freckles pull it together. She needs a lot of time alone, but also loves spending time with others.

Their crooked incisor catches in the light. It matches their father’s. Grinning and baring their teeth are not so different. They get that from their mother. Tilting their head up and glaring downwards makes their nostrils flare. They got that from a tito. They click their tongue at little cousins when they’re disappointed. They got that from a lolo. They lean in too long for hugs, curling their fingers along shoulder blades. They learned that from a friend. They wear their hair messy and uncombed. They saw that in a magazine. They tuck themselves under people’s arms, press themselves flush against strangers’ sides. They do this because they have to.

She tries to be the best version of herself. Even when she doesn’t really know who exactly that is. She gives her all to those around her, and is working on doing the same for herself. She’s a little too self aware, and wishes she never left therapy. She is a whole ass mess, but she tries to be the best version of herself. Even when she doesn’t really know who exactly that is.

She doesn’t know how to behave. To sit still and think clearly, normally. Her self worth: cyclical, inconsistent. Her self love: synthesized from social media, from clothes, from grades.

Today, actually. The combination of the music coming in through my headphones and the snow under my skis brought me inner peace, the snow coming down was just an extension of that feeling.

A couple of weeks ago, my crush asked me if I wanted to skate with her. I said yes. We ended up just talking for hours. Nothing obviously romantic happened, but I just felt overwhelmingly happy. When she laughed it felt like the sun was shining on my face. When she looked at me it felt intoxicating. We ended up eating fast food on the roof of her car while watching the sunset. And we kind of just sat there while music played, enjoying each other’s presence. Oh god, I really hope this feeling is mutual.

Whenever I can hear the ocean.

It’s sunset but barely, just the fading of the sun into a grey-ish darkness. I’m jumping on the trampoline like a child. Just bouncing and laughing and looking up at the sky. Just existing, and that’s enough.

12am on the crumbling train bridge smoking with two friends. We scrambled up through a hole in the floor to sit in between the tracks on top of the bridge to tell stories while we watched the light pollution and helicopters. It was dizzying and I thought I was in love.

We were sitting in their room, my best friend’s room, and I was just listening to their friends talk, about everything from gossip at school to music that had just come out. I was pretty quiet because I was meeting my best friend’s new friends for the first time, who they had talked about so much. So I was shy, but i’d never felt so comfortable and accepted so fast. I remembered in that moment that I do actually like meeting new people, even though its scary. I wish I could relive that moment, but I also hope I have lots more moments like that.

My childhood as a whole, before I grew up and realized the world wasn’t as great as I thought it was. I was so oblivious and innocent and happy, it all just feels so far away now.

Being in love and feeling like they loved me back. feeling like we were unstoppable.

I'd relive the day I adopted my kitty who ended up passed very suddenly last year. <3

Discovering my love for summer. I was drawing a person- messily. I wasn’t thinking much, just scribbling with markers, crayons, pens, pencils. No thoughts- just fueled by the euphoria that had possessed me on that warm summer day.