The Ladybird House and Finding Myself
Illustration by Evan Wong
Julie: If I lived here, I would definitely have my wedding in the backyard.
Lady Bird: I'd have friends over all the time to study and eat snacks. I'd be like, "Mom, we're taking snacks upstairs to the TV Room!"
-Lady Bird (2017)
Lady Bird and her best friend Julie gaze at a blue three-story house with white shutters, a sprawling green lawn, and an American flag that blows effortlessly. They imagine the extraordinary lives they would lead if they lived in this idyllic house in Sacramento's Fabulous Forties, an after school activity they often do. Taking in the grandeur of upscale homes for a final moment, they slink back to their own neighborhoods. Lady Bird loves saying how she "lives on the wrong side of the tracks" (she’s being entirely literal).
Last summer, when I’d tired of contemplating the meaning of life, I would jump on my bicycle and ride around my neighborhood. Passing by houses that looked nearly identical to my own, I couldn't help but wonder if the people inside them were happier than me. Would my life be more extraordinary, fulfilling, and stimulating if I lived in the purple house two blocks away? Or are the people living inside just as lost as I am? Maybe purple paint can't wash away the pain. But again, perhaps it can?
It's annoying how accurate "the grass is always greener on the other side" is. It proves true time and time again when I stay up late scrolling through Instagram or Pinterest. The girl in my French class who posted the fantastic golden hour selfie makes me question my feed. The cute couple having a lakeside picnic makes me reflect on my boring love life. People partying every Friday live in a "coming-of-age movie” and I wonder if I could've had that if my personality were different.
In times like these, a rotten pit of worry forms in my stomach, and suddenly I feel worthless. Every amazing experience I've ever had seems to melt into a puddle, and I start to question if I've ever done anything remarkable. Then, I morph into a pile of dog poop on the sidewalk in July, betrayed by my owner, stinking with misery, with flies of worry bothering me.
The fear of missing out (aka FOMO) is real, and it loves to eat me up inside.
Someone's car will always shine brighter. Someone's house will still look prettier. Someone's life will always seem better than yours. Social media especially upholds the latter facade.
Frequently, I have to remind myself that social media is all an illusion. The girl from my French class may be dealing with her own struggles that her golden hour selfies don't shed light on. I know half of the kids partying every weekend can never complete a homework assignment on time. My own Instagram feed barely reflects who I am! In the wise words of Selena Gomez, "Everything is not what it seems." The mind is a tricky place, and the only way to curb those feelings of envy, doubt, and low self-esteem is with gratitude.
I bought a new journal, The Five Minute Journal, where I write three things I am grateful for as soon as I wake up. Some days, I write that I am appreciative of "my friends, family, and bed." Other days, I scribble down "opposable thumbs, my glasses, and essential workers." This new exercise I've implemented into my daily routine is incredibly grounding. I'm reminded of how breathtaking life is. Even when I'm at my lowest, I glance around my room and find 100 more things to be thankful for. I want to live the hell out of life. I'm breaking up with envy and FOMO, for good this time.
Lady Bird eventually meets the person who lives in the blue house she and Julie adore. She even spends Thanksgiving there and explores the property with the owner as her guide. She learns that the woman who resides there isn't any different from the typical grandma with an America: Regan Country poster. One might expect Lady Bird to no longer treasure the home as much. You forget how magical something is when you get used to it. But to Lady Bird, that three-story home will always be a treasure. Instead of imagining what it would've been like to grow up there, she carves her path for success so one day she can own a home she too will adore. Whether it's in Sacramento or the Big Apple, Lady Bird grows to appreciate the magic all around her and makes sure she never forgets it.
Right now, the magic in my world is made up of listening to Kids See Ghosts while doing math homework, staring into my sibling's beautiful brown eyes when I tickle them, FaceTiming my friends about everything and nothing, and of course, crying while watching Lady Bird.
Charm in life is everywhere. Hiding in the bathroom, under my pillows, or in my heart. The way to lead a fulfilling life starts with me and only me.
I think I'm off to a pretty great start.